Platonic Parenting? As a concept what is it?

Platonic Parenting? As a concept what is it?

The old format of parenting is shifting and has shifted since the sexual revolution in the 1960s. When divorce became a norm and a ‘non event’, the ideas around family structures changed forever. This change has been slowly evolving, I think, into a beautiful evolutionary shift where we see children as the centre pieces of family structures rather than the father, the ruler of the house, the ruler of the family, patriarchy is essentially dying.

Along with the rise of womens rights, LGBTI+ rights, gender equality and the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, the power has shifted from the hands of ‘the man’ into the hands of ‘the other’, ‘the many’, and as a gay female I personally am very happy about this shift, it means that me and my people get to have a say in shaping the future for us and our families.

What has this got to do with platonic parenting? well the idea of platonic families is that anyone can put their hand up to be a parent, without labels, without even for the need for sexuality if so be it, we can have two asexual people come together to form a family, we can have two intersex people come together for form a family, we could have two straight women and a gay man come together to form a family or a straight guy and straight woman that just don’t fancy each other but realise that they would make a great parenting team. Whoever you are, you do not need the old paradigm of romantic love and marriage to shroud your ability to create a family and have children.

We all know that the most important thing for a child is a stable home, love, protection and most of all a community of people who give a shit.  As a child in London in the 80s me and most of my friends where brought up in single mum households, the dads where either mostly absent, overtly crap or unwell. The ‘norm’ family structure hadn’t worked for us, for whatever reason the road of ‘boy meets girl, fall in love and start a family’ didn’t quite last the distance and it still falls short today.

So the idea that people come together not on the foundation that they are in love, because romantic love even though it is a beautiful idea and when it works it is lovely,  but it is not always the most stable foundation to bring children into the world from. I am more inclined to agree with the arranged marriage mob in some respects, because the purpose of the arrangement is about merging families and creating a stable base to bring the next generation into the world.  The only problem with the old model of arranged marriages is that it leaves no room for romance outside the family home and can become a prison for those involved if the ‘in love’ thing doesn’t exist within that unity.

Divorced parents have been doing platonic parenting now for quite a few decades, and are becoming more skilled at either separating love and romance with the family unit or merging two or more families with evolved awareness. I would love to hear from families that have skilfully balanced romance outside of the family home with their family units or merged families well.  I want to know what works? what doesn’t? How can we design family units that can withstand the changes of the romantic heart without it having a negative impact on the children involved and of course the adults themselves.


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